Ali's Journal

Rant
How hard can it be to buy clothes?!?!?! I'm a woman.. isn't this what I do best?? How come on the high street all you can buy is baby blue and girlie pink... ok, so now you can get lilac and brown.. but what about my deep purples and dark reds and blue... and does everything have to be make from t-shirt ( I think it is called jersey material) material???? Man.... there are so many different fabrics out there and it is impossible to find anything to wear..... and don't get me started with the shoes.... I walk a lot at work and needed a new pair of shoes for work... something very comfortable, but not to granny like... well that is a contradiction in it's self... comfort means granny!!! but praise the lord for M & S who make comfy and almost stylish shoes!!! but my last clothing rant is this... how hard would you expect it to be to find a black cardie... well it is almost impossible... what do people wear to work these days??? ok so maybe a suit.. but sometimes it is a little too warm for a jacket, but not warm enough without long sleeves... argh I dunno!!!

I feel much better now... plus, I'm going to embark on making my own clothes... I have loads of ideas!!

Current Mood: aggravated

back again!
Well, I seem to start all my LJ entries with well! but anyway, here I am again, it's been such a long time since posting, so much has happened! I stopped my diet, had my gall bladder removed, fell in love, moved to London, got a new job and a promotion, and... oh, by the by I am just back from my honeymoon!!!! How crazy is all of that! God has really blessed me big time over the past 12 months. I know it sounds a little weird to say that having an operation is a blessing, but it really has been all part of Gods big plan!

My husband and I got married on 23rd February 2005 in St Margaret's Chapel in Edinburgh Castle... there was so much snow that day that they had to shut the castle early, fortunately there wasn't so much snow that they shut it completely otherwise we wouldn't have been able to get married.... it was freezing cold, but so romantic! My husband looked amazing in his kilt and I had a kinda Goth white velvet dress that I was planning to make myself, but fortunately a lovely sister from church stepped in and took over... I did make the velvet cloak which was deep purple, but even that needed a certain amount of rescuing! The honeymoon was perfect, a little cottage close to Skipton in West Yorkshire. No snow there, but we still managed to stay home most of the week. It was great just getting to know one another.... we didn't live together before the wedding, and so it was strange being together all the time! Now that we are home, I feel like I should be saying night night and heading back to my own place... but it is really great just getting to snuggle up to the man that you love.... well I'd better not say anymore otherwise I may end up saying too much!

it's good to be back!

Current Mood: loved

I know it has been quite a while since I last wrote here in my journal, but my life just ain't that interesting to be able to write almost everyday!

So what has happened since I last wrote? Well, I have now lost a total of 4 stone and 3 lbs which is 59lbs or 26.8kg in 9 weeks! I would say that is quite a miracle.. I have to say it is costing me a fortune in clothes!

I feel a little down today and very emotional.. I had the best weekend in ages. I went to stay with my friend Ralph in London and it was quite a blast. People in both our churches think there should be more to our relationship than just friends, but if you really stopped to think about it the only reason there should be is because we are both single and of the opposite sex! I love him dearly as a brother and best friend, but not in any other way! And I am glad to say he feels the same way about me. We have a very open and honest friendship and don't have fear in saying things to one another as we know that we love each other and it is through love that we are able to help each other.

Anyway I really enjoyed the weekend.. we went shopping at Brent Cross shopping centre on Friday.. didn't buy anything.. but it was good to look, we also went on a mystery bus ride!! Hehehe… and then to the cinema in the evening where we watched “The Cat in the Hat” such a funny movie.. would recommend to anyone.. lots of adult humour in it too.. so it isn't just one for the kids! Saturday was housework day and I managed to clean some of his flat for him.. and we also prepared some food for Sunday… I had invited another friend (this one I would like there to be more than friendship with!!) to Ralph's place for dinner. We haven't seen one another since November, so he noticed a big difference in my size.. so that was nice…. Sunday was spent in the morning at church… meeting all of Ralph's home group who seemed to like me.. and want to see more of me!! Then as I said, my other friend came for dinner… but I did go into London centre to meet him from his train and then took him back later in the evening… as he was boarding his train he turned to kiss me and was presented with me cheek… don't think he was aiming for that.. but sadly I wasn't giving more… I mean I wanted a kiss on the lips.. I've not had one of those for a long time.. but something inside of me turned my head… maybe it was God… I don't know.. but now I feel like I may have wrecked everything… I'm now just waiting for him to ring me…. It's gone 10pm.. somehow I think he may have forgotten me!!!

All I want now is a big hug.. someone to snuggle up to.. I really do hate being alone.. and sadly that is what is like night after night… my hearts desire is to be a wife… and it just seems so distant!

Well.. I should really go.. I had to report back to the Dr tomorrow.. hopefully he will be enthusiastic at my weight loss… and yippee I get some more chocolate milkshakes… if I never see another milkshake it will be too soon!!

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Worship CD

You're Betty Grable!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am sure if you knew me... you would notice that my legs don't look anything like hers! However my bum is getting smaller and I also tried on a bra the other day which was too much... PRAISE THE LORD!

the diet is going not too badly at all... I feel like I have been on it a life time.. but I have only been on it for just under 4 weeks, however in that short space of time I have lost 2 stone.. wey!!! well happy... 2 down 99 million to go! But seriously it is really encouraging... by the end of the summer I won't need to be on the plan... I can't wait for that to happen.. not coz I want to stuff my face full of junk food, but because I just want to chew something!

This is it though... I can do it!

Current Mood: thirsty

Monday afternoon!
It's one of those days again, where the work flow into the office isn't too bad... so I am able to get a bit of a head start on the accounts before the end of the month... no doubt I will be rushed off my feet at that time!

I jumped on the scales again... seem like I sadly do it everyday.. but each new day is just so exciting!! So I lost another 1lb today.. I know that doesn't sound much.. but it is a lot, when you think that I have lost 26lbs in 23 days, it is so wonderful. My birthday is coming up and I want to have a party, sadly I can't eat anything... but that doesn't mean I can't cook for everyone else...mmm... well I might just do drinks and nibbles... and have a few people over on the Friday night for a meal... I love cooking and find not cooking the hardest part of this whole diet.. oh well.. it is all worth it! Next month I might be another 21 lbs lighter.. which would be awesome.. basically the faster I lose the weight the less time I need to spend on the diet... yippeee.. Just keep praying the weight continues to fall off at this speed.. for at least the next few stones!

The snow didn't last long... about 30 mins really... shame.. was looking forward to being stuck indoors all week... but I had to come to work instead :( not to worry, I am leaving at 4pm tonight.. must go to Asda and buy some bits ... and a load of cards, I can't believe how many people have their birthdays in March!

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: seagulls in the background

Quiet Tuesday afternoon
Well it has been really quiet here in the office this afternoon, so much so I have not only shut my hearing off from the woman that constantly talks to herself opposite me, but to the rest of the world too… I am in a place of my own! Don’t know where that is.. but I am on my own..mmm hope I can work my way back home in time for finishing work!

Had a lovely.. actually 2 lovely long e-mails from my landlord in OZ, man I miss him and his wife so much, but they have booked the tickets to come home for 1 month in August, so that made my day. Another thing that made my day was the fact that although it was tiny I did a little poo! Nice thing to write about.. but when you haven’t been coz of this stupid diet for several days it is just sheer delight. I can’t wait for my next trip!!

~ not a very girlie subject the last one.. but this one is slightly better, I have been praying for a male friend to become a Christian. He’s in a lot of pain at the moment coz of a broken shoulder.. eeks… but I sent him a book which he would have received this morning called “He chose the nails” by Max Lucado. Fantastic book, and I really pray that the Spirit of God will come upon him and convict him or his sin and that he will be saved!

~ Weight loss ~ well been at it for 18 days now and I have lost 19lbs (8.63KG) so that is a great amount to lose. I am however sick to death of the diet and find it really hard. I am not really that hungry ever, but it would just be nice to have something to chew every once and a while! I bought a lovely skirt in January a size 30 (so ashamed) and I picked up a skirt last week which was reduced and was only a size 24. I wasn’t even going to try it on for a while, but I did and it fits already, so I am well pleased! I think once I get to a 20 or slightly below I will start a food diet again.. I can’t sustain this for much longer. I have fasted for spiritual reasons in the past, and that wasn’t as bad as this coz I could at least have a fresh orange juice from time to time.. or know that I don’t have to take this all disgusting milk shake drink… it leaves such a horrible taste in my mouth… Well, won’t be long now!

~ Cell group ~ going home tonight to do some baking so that there are some lovely cakes available for my cell group tomorrow evening, I love cooking! As it is at my house I always put on a bit of a spread.. but the funny thing is that my house mate is having her cell group meeting in our hour tomorrow night too.. so maybe I should make twice as much and give them a treat too!

~ A funny thing happened on Sunday, I caught sight of my own reflection in the mirror and saw for the first time I wasn’t ugly! I am not being vein in any way, but I never saw myself as being beautiful before.. but I thought I looked not that bad at all… so that made me well hyper!

Last week was well cool.. my favourite hobby must be chatting on the phone.. and I have spent so much time chatting I can’t believe it.. I have called my friend with the shoulder every couple of evenings just to see how he is and make sure he is ok.. I do wish we lived closer than we do, but that’s life….. then after my friend Ralph spent £1800 on tickets to see “The Cure” I have been in hysterics! I think he is thinking of taking me.. well that is what we discussed on the phone the other night… I don’t think I have ever heard them before.. but apparently the lead singer “Robert Smith” or something is a Christian.. so that would be cool!

Oh well, better go.. nothing to do and no time to do it in!

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: the sound of the woman across the desk taking to herself!!!!

Long time ago.....
Wow it seems like such a long time ago that I last wrote in my live journal… I guess my life isn’t that exciting, either that or it is so exciting I don’t have enough time to write anything….. mmmmm…. Don’t think it is the latter some how!

Well, lets see, what has been happening…. Mmm… oh yeah, I got agreement from my boss to reduce my hours from 37 per week to 30. So as from the 1st of July those will be my new hours and I will be working each Friday in the Kidz Klub office. I am well impressed with God on that one. Sunday we had a great sermon and one of the points to the sermon was how God surprises us! And boy is that true, I was so surprised I got my hours reduced without any problem that I really struggled to believe it!

Six months ago that Dr told me I had high blood pressure and that in order to bring it down I needed to lose some weight… some?!?!?! I have to lose a whole other person! Anyway I struggled with weight watchers for 5 months and lost 8 lbs.. Which I think I put on the week I stopped! But because someone told me that I couldn’t sit with her, as there wasn’t enough room for me, I felt really hurt and wounded. …. Ok, this is it… I have to do something drastic.

1. I am not coping at ww – it isn’t working!
2. I hate feeling so tired all the time
3. I want to be able to lead a more active lifestyle, but it is catch 22
4. I am fed up only being able to buy clothes in 1 shop..
5. I really don’t like it when people say horrible things to me because of my weight
6. I feel unattractive!

So plenty or reason to lose weight…. actually I could list about 100 other reasons too, but I won’t go into that! So in my depression, Blood pressure soaring state I went to the Dr and asked for help. Okay, this is the scary part, he has put me on this meal replacement diet, its called lipotrim. The thought of no food for several months is not really my idea of fun, but lets see what will happen.

Week 1. – Plus points – Didn’t have to worry about what I was going to eat to lose weight.
Lost 11 lbs in 1 week
Realised that I ate coz I was bored or thirsty!
Realised that if people say horrible things to me or something doesn’t work out, then I don’t have to turn to food but to God.
Worked out that this would break my addictions to food!

Down points - Miss chewing food
Miss all the different flavours of foods and drink
Seem to go to the loo ever 10 – 15 mins (drinking about 5 ltr of water a day)

But the plus side really out weighs the downside. A rapid weight loss is expected to begin with and then things should settle down and be a 3 –4 lb a week weight loss. They believe the diet sheds 1 stone per month, so that will be great if it does. Basically it is like slim fast, but I think it is more medically controlled than that as you only have the 3 shakes per day. Well, they don’t need to be all shakes, but you only ever drink the stuff. There is a vanilla, coffee, and strawberry drink and chicken soup. I am also able to drink black tea and coffee, but I try not to drink too much of that as it is a diuretic! Yesterday I over indulged on the coffee and had 4 cups and found myself buzzing around by early evening…

Well, I had better think about doing some work now, I’ve been to the gym and done 10 mins on the bike and then 10 lengths of the pool, just a nice gentle start back at the gym as I haven’t been for a while.

Better go get my milkshake and get started!

Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: Will be Hillsongs in a min when I press play!

what time is it??
Dear Journal!

It's gone 4am and I felt about an hour ago God moving me to waking up! I am awake.. this isn't a dream.. maybe my mind isn't what it should me right now.. but that is ok as it is very rarely what it should be.. I would however like to get back to bed ...

God woke regarding work and Kidz Klub... I have to reduce my hours at work by 7 hours a week.. which means a loss in pay of about £125....which would be ok.. but stupidly I have allowed myself to run up some credit card bill of about £3500... I need to axe that before I can reduce my hours...but I want to set myself a deadline... I want to reduce my hours from the beginning of September... therefore I need to cut up my card and clear the balance.. currently I only really ever pay the minimum required.. so I never really see it coming down.. but if I work hard at it, I am sure I can bring it right down to zero! I really need God in this.. but I too need to be faithful to God.. he is telling me it is wrong to be in the situation I am in.. and that I need to work to get out of it.. the lesson to learn it to live within the means that God has provided for.. and I know there will be a much richer blessing if I do so! Ok.. so I HAVE to do this... my heart wants to serve the Lord in a bigger way doing Kidz Klub, I just pray that someone will confirm this is what God is calling me to do.. and at the same time.. wouldn't it just be amazing if God some how cleared my debt too!!

Anyway.. I guess I should get back to bed.. I have to be up in a couple of hours to get ready for church!

God bless

Current Mood: Spiritually Alive
Current Music: none.. it's the middle of the night!

It's been ages!
WOW it seems such a long time since I last wrote here... mmm... things seem to be really manic at the mo and I don't have time to do such things!

I just got home from Kidz Klub at 3pm after making a complete fool of myself.. I must say it was for the Lord, so that is ok!! But I had to stand up in front of about 160 kids and sing "Man! I feel like a woman!" byt Shania Twain... and if I am really honest.. it isn't as bad as you think.... I really can't sing.. but that;s not the point... the point is to entertain the kids and it was a massive success!! I really love Kidz Kilub so much and I want to see more kids coming... at the mo we see about 160 through the door on a Saturday which is nothing in comparison to the 620 that we visit each week.. I want to see 500 kids come on a regular basis!! I know it isn't always possible to be there EVERY week.. but I so want to see more... I am even praying and seeking God about giving up work on a Friday in order to serve more at Kidz Klub....I just need some assurance and some confirmation that this is what God wants for me too... and some finance would be good too.... Lord I pray you show me clearly what to do! In your name Jesus, Amen....

had some exciting developments on the man front this past week or so too.. young guy by the name of Paddy, that I really like is really passionate about God... and I have never been able to get to know him all that well... but I have admired him from a distance.... well he came over for dinner a few weeks ago and last week after Kidz Klub he invited me back to his place for dinner.. which was awesome.. and I spent time with him and really caught something of the passion and love that he has for God.. I am really excited.. and he wants to have dinner with me again... with other people there... but that doesn't bother me.. at least we are getting to know one another... the thing that does worry me slightly is that I have loads of male friends who like and love me as a sister.... and I really wouldn't want that.. but if that is what God wants then I am fine with it so long and Paddy doesn't get the wrong end of the stick!
well... I am gonna go... snooz or sew.... mmm.... tough one!

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Man! I feel like a woman!

Rain Rain Rain
well, it's almost 8.20am and it is still a little dark outside.. the rain is still pouring down with no sign of it stopping. I am sure we are going to see flooding soon! Who says it only rains in Scotland! Well, if we had a drought during the summer, I am sure that the past 2 days have refreshed the land grately and that we won't have the same problems during this summer!

It's very quiet in the office at the moment, we seem to be finishing all our work by mid afternoon, leaving the morning quiet as we wait for new work to arrive.

I have almost finished reading "the Heavenly Man" by Brother Yun and Paul Hattaway. If you haven't read it, I 100% recommend that you go out now and buy it! Make sure you read it in a place that you won't feel embarrassed to cry in, because I guarentee you will cry! Many people I know haven't read the book, in fear of condemnation that their walk with the Lord won't live up to anything as exciting as this book, but my message to people that think that, is that never compare yourself with your brothers and sister in Christ, just lead you life all out for God. We all have our own walk with the Lord and not all of us are called to a life of deep persecution. But reading Christian biographies can stir up passion and zeal to seek God and serve him with all your heart.

I had some friends over for dinner on Friday night, and one of the guys that came is really nice and I like him a whole lot. I never thought he even noticed me before, although we do know one another slightly, Friday was a good opportunity to get to know him a little better.... we had a fantastic time of fellowship and also prayer and prayed until 12.30am.... IT was really great, and my spirit was certainly stirred and awakened. So how do you progress from there? I wouldn't ever tell him my feelings.. but I do like him... is it wrong to pray that God would do something in this situation?

I got dressed in a hurry this morning and now I feel really uncomfortable... I these trousers that fit me perfectly.. but when I sit down for long periods of time they seem to get tighter and tighter on me! Oh well.. only 8 and a half hours til I go home!

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: pitter patter of little rain drops!

slow day
well, I went to Weight Watchers on Monday night.. didn't want to go out coz of the weather, but I was glad I went in the end... I only gained 1/2 a lb over the Christmas holiday! Fantastic! Now I know I Can do it.. but I wish I didn't feel so lethargic first thing in the morning... I want to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and alive.. instead, I struggle to get out from under my warm duvet and think.. just five more minutes... but those 5 minutes grow to 10 and before I know it, it's an hour later! I want to go to the gym coz I know that will help big time.. but time is just not to free... best time would be first thing in the morning if I could get out of bed!! Maybe it is a habit I need to get into... 37 time of doing something and it becomes a habit! .... so 37 days I need to get up at 5.45am sharp.. actually 6am is fine.. if I just get up then.. work out at the gym... shed some lbs.. and then it will not only be a habit, but a load easier to do too, coz I will have lost a load of weight.... I was thinking.... I've in the past done prayer for people in batches of 40 days... maybe this is how I need to look at my fitness... work out a 40 day plan... and stick to it... it isn't that long, just a little over a month and I am sure I would notice a massive difference... ok, so I think I will start that tomorrow! Day 1 will be Friday 9th Jan! So, up at 6am, down to the gym, healthy eating... then an early night and ready for day 2! Cool, that's that sorted then! Well, I feel suitably stupid.. it's my friends birthday today and I forgot to send him a card! I feel terrible.. I hope he doesn't mind too much... I know I will make it up to him when I next see him. I have th munchies today... I just want to stuff stuff stuff... not good when trying to lose weight! Although in my defense, it has all been low fat food and relatively healthy.. but I can't wait for my dinner tonight... I am having extra lean roast beef with mashed potatoes and roast parsnips, and carrots... mmmm.... I want it now!! I don't eat that much meat, but every now and then I do crave a little, so this will be the first meat this week.... but maybe it is because I am due on next week... oh well I think I can goto lunch now.. so I am going...

Current Mood: lethargic
Current Music: the muppets - cell phone ring tone

Last entry
by the way I went back to bed but something was nagging me... I wrote the wrong album title in to the music I was listening to! Take That released a single called "Back for good", which has the lyrics "picture of you" in it and I was getting really confussed... what I should have said I was listening to by Wet Wet Wet was "Picture This"

so there you have it.. all sorted.. my mind is at peace now! hehehe

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: none!!

Happy New Year
Happy New Year!!

Well 2003 ended in perfect style and the prospects for 2004 are amazing! So yesterday when I came home from work, the new girl that was meant to move in yesterday arrived.. there was a message on the answer phone saying she was coming, but she arrived before I got to the phone! I had just arrived home and so as I looked out the window in the hall while opening my post, I saw her coming down the path and opened the door for her.. Instantly I had a peace about her… She is from South Africa and I think she said Cape Town. We both go to the same church but as there is so many people in the church, it isn't always possible to know everyone, but she arrived and announced to me that all my friends had told her what I was like as she was in the same cell group as a bunch of the people I hang around with! I felt quite excited; maybe we were going to become good friends too? I do pray that we will!

Anyway, not sure if this sounded right or not, but I asked her if she was planning on going to the church barn dance to celebrate the new year and she said that most of her cell group was going but that she wasn't sure, so I told her I was going and if she wanted to come with me it would be fantastic…she was amazing.. not only did she unpack some things, but she managed to dress in denim too… so only a few hours after she arrived we headed off to the barn dance… she was so sweet to me, she complimented me on how I looked and as I soon found out she is a hairdresser at one of the top salons in the city, she also complimented not only me on my hair looking beautiful, but also the person who cut it saying it was a very good cut!! So I arrived at the barn dance feeling great! She really built me up!

During the course of the evening I was sharing some of my plans for 2004 with her, one of which is to have a massive party on my birthday.. and she asked when it was so I told her and she smiled and said, “maybe we could have a joint party because my birthday is 2 days later!” So it looks like a big joint party.. that takes the pressure of me a little for getting it right … I've never had a party before, so it is pretty nerve racking just thinking about it all!

When we were at the barn dance, I was chatting to some of my friends who are in her cell group and they were saying that they had told her that if she was coming to live with me, then she was in good hands as I was such a nice person and very godly.. I did point out to them that none of them live with me so they can't speak for me 100% but boy oh boy do I have some reputations to live up to now! But never mind I am just going to live my life for God and not worry about what others are looking for.

So at the end of 2003 I had a great conversation with a guy that I like very much, I had a fantastic evening with friends that I would call family too, I danced my socks off… suffering the consequences this morning thou…. Had txt messages from all that are important to me… and now I am in a new year.. the year that the Lord has given me… the year where I plan to lose about 6 stone in weight, …. The year where I want to be reaching out to more non-Christians with the help of my brothers and sisters in Christ… the year where God is in control and things can only get better!

Ok, I am off back to bed it is freezing!

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Wet Wet Wet ~ Picture of You Album

Happy :o)
REally sad.. isn't it... but I feel so much better now that I have spoken to my friend.. yes I would like this friend to be more than a friend and can I really even call him a friend.... we met at the leaving party of my landlords, he is one of my landlords best friends and such a flirt... he managed to hook me there and then and spent most of the evening flirting with me... he isn't a Christian and I stuck to my guns and kept him pretty much at arms length.. although I must confess it would have been nice if it could have been more... he then sent a txt message to my landlord a few days later to which I was promptly shown... I grabbed the phone and sent a message back.. happening to slip in my own cell phone number... thinking that I would never hear from him again a week later he sent me a txt.. we then spent quite a while chatting on the phone about nothing in particular... since the party in November he has called me fairly regularly... but the last time we spoke was the Sunday before Christmas and I thought this was it.. I wasn't gonna hear from him again... I had promised myself I wasn't going to contact him, but as everyone left the office this afternoon and I found myself alone again, I thought I would give it one last go.. and bingo.. he answered... *sigh* all the stress and tension in me has gone.. I feel so relaxed now.. and good inside that I don't mind not talking to him again for a little while...

anyway I am going to look for some Happy New Year e-cards now.. will update later.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: the buzz of the lights in the background!

New Years Eve
ok, so I am an admin assistant.. does that mean I have to spend my time cleaning other members of staffs desks with Pledge dust and clean? Was this what I was originally employed to do? I do ask myself those questions and I guess without to much sighing, I went on and did as I was told, but man, does my boss know how to go on at me about things.. we have a love/hate relationship I think... I love to hate him and he loves to annoy me... most of the time I think he is winding me up, but that isn't hard to do, so he is more than likely doing that to me all the time!

It is really boiling in the office today too.. I feel slightly unwell because of it... maybe I will open some windows!

I'm going to a barn dance tonight, one that has been arranged by my church, so very last minute I popped out at lunch to get some bits for my costume! I don't know what to wear, not the sort of thing I go to all the time... however I managed to get a cowboy hat (only I think it is a cow girl hat as it is white) plus a sheriff badge... then I went to the fabric shop and bought some red and white gingham (dunno how to spell it!) and also some red long fringing... I have a white blouse which I will wear and I plan to very quickly attach the fringe along the back of the arms and across my shoulders, and then make a neckerchief out of the material... I'll also wear my long denim skirt and hey presto.. a cow girl... was wondering if I should wear a wig that I have in the house it is much longer than my own hair and I could plat it into pigtails... well, we'll see... I offered to say until 5pm at the office so that everyone else can leave early, so I might not have that much time when I get home...

if I don't get to write to you again, have a Happy New Year and I will tell all of the barn dance tomorrow!

Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: nothing.. you could hear a pin drop in the office!

scruffy!!
I made it home without falling asleep on the bus! I even managed to remove my TV and dvd player from the living room and bring it back up 2 flights of stairs to my bedroom…coz I live in a shared house and everyone is coming back after the Christmas holiday I thought it would be a good idea to have my personal belongings back upstairs! Not that I am selfish, it is just that while there has been relatively no one else in the house I have been using the whole house like a normal person… living in the sitting room, and watching some TV there, and also taking full advantage of the kitchen! But now that there are others around I will go back to my usual ways of being a recluse and living in my bedroom! Actually that isn't true, I do have normally quite a busy life, and so I am glad of the peace of my room….

Even although I say so myself I have been richly blessed with this accommodation! God was amazing in finding it, and then my acceptance into a Christian family made me feel special, wanted, needed and loved…. So you can understand just how sad I am that they have now moved to the other side of the world. I would like to go and visit them, I have never had a desire to go to Australia, but I will go that far to see them and spend some time with them… Isn't quite where I thought I would be going on my next travels! Either God has to bless me big time with a ticket or something, or I will have to spend the next 12 months saving like mad! I have a feeling it will be the later!!

This entry is just me at my best.. Rambling!! I am basically just emptying my head of all the things that are running around…. So what I want to know is how many points are there in Red Lentils? I just made some lentil soup… my fav… very easy.. 4 carrots, 2 red onions (only coz they were the only onions I had) 1 veg stock cube ( I am veggie otherwise I would have used ham) and a small cup of lentils and a couple of pints of water… it must be liquidized though… other wise it doesn't taste the same at all! So on the Weight Watchers diet I need to work out just how many points that is… I know that they only thing that would count at points would be the lentils.. but how many points????

Do you ever have those days where you feel really scruffy.. no matter what you are wearing… I could have the crown jewels on and still look a state… I feel yuck today… anyway… I think on that note I might just go put my pj's on and head for bed… you never know I might get a phone call from someone that hasn't spoken to me fore a while… or I might fall asleep… but not until I have read some more from the book of Acts!
Night night

Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: still listening to "Love Actually"

Big sigh
my boss just told me that I sigh too much! what does that mean? Man it has been one of those days where you wouldn't want to relive it too often!.. maybe I do sigh lots! I wonder if it is annoying for people to hear me sigh... maybe coz I am "large" I sigh rather than exhale??!! Regardless of that I am shattered... would love to just go home and go to bed, but not too sure that is an option, then again it might be... maybe I could have an early night and just watch a movie in bed?

I was very naughty at lunch time... thought my spending was a thing of the past, it really must be in 2004, but I bought Bridget Jones's diary in the sale... not to sure if it is that good a movie on a Christian moral view point, but man I know how she feels!

I need to go now.. it is 4pm and I am allowed ot leave now... my boss.. all be it saying I sigh way to much.. is letting the whole office leave early... but shhh don't tell anyone!

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Overture to the movie Love Actually

Early morning
Why is it that I never want to get out of bed in the morning, my room isn't cold when it is time to get up, the blinds are drawn so it is very dark, but the thought of staying in bed those extra 30 mins or even 1 hour is so much more appealing than jumping out of bed shouting "yippee... I'm alive!" .. don't you just wish you could get up in the morning... come the weekend I will find it no problem to get up early... it's always the way... but this Saturday I am going to switch of the phone and not set the alarm and if I get up at 2pm then so be it!

Tomorrow is New Years Eve and I am going to a barn dance that my church has arranged, I have a few reservations, basically I don't like going placed on my own, and although I will know plenty of people when I get there, it is just the whole going in and finding people....

Anyway I am sure I will survive... ok, I have to go, my boss just asked me to actually do some work as I am in the office.. and to stop sitting just looking at the screen! Many, what does he want.... my blood?? just kidding, I really should go do some work... my next entry will be about the weird dream I had last night!

the risk!
The only thing wrong with an online journal is that anyone can read it?!?! What if I write my deepest darkest feelings about someone here and then they come along and read it… it might put them off me! But I guess that is a risk you have to take. Life is full of risks and sometimes we just have to step out and take that risk!

Anyway I need to be a little less obsessive! Anyone any ideas how I can be less obsessive? When I meet someone new that I really like, I kind of over load them with me… calling and txting all the time…. In many ways I feel sorry for them, but I just really love getting to know people on a 1 to 1 basis and I love talking to people and listening to peoples voices… I think I must be really weird!

Well I have listened thro the Love Actually album and it is cool… some of it is not too great, but it is fine in the movie.. but most of the tracks are fab! …” All you need is love” dooby dooby doo….. dah de dahe bambeebam.. ok, I'll stop singing along!

Well I guess an early night is in order…. I just want to snuggle down under the duvet…. Wish there was someone to snuggle into.. but never mind there is a multitude of soft toys until Mr Right arrives!!

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Gabrielle

Love Acutally
Well, I couldn't contain myself any longer.. ok, so it is only a few days since Christmas, but hey a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.. my last spend of 2003.... I went out and bought the sound track to Love Actually... such a great film.. very bad language, but sweet none the less... so I am just giving my room a bit of a tidy and listening to the cd.. then down to make some dinner soon...

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Love Actually

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